We all experience loss in our life, yet no one can tell us exactly how to deal with loss. Loss is so personal and so real.  I have read many different theories on the grief process. One theory said 30 seconds of grief is all you need. Of course, there are other studies that suggest stages of three, six, or 12 months for grief. Probably the most famous theory on grief, and the one used by many professionals, was created by Elizabeth Kőbler-Ross’ five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.42 Other theorists and therapists will add one or two more steps to Kőbler-Ross’ process. From my experience, I really don’t think one particular theory on grief works. Grief and how we cope with loss will be different for everyone. Just as our caregiving journeys are different, so is the grief process. I’ll say again, do not be afraid to reach out for help when your grief becomes burdensome.

There is one aspect of grief that I think all of us will experience in one way or another. We stop living! Once you come to the realization that you have stopped living, then you realize the time has come to move on and live your life in the present, with health, happiness and confidence. While I am missing the one I love, I need (want) to create a new life to love. Richard would want me to create a new life to love. This does not mean I am going out to find a new love, this simply means I am learning to live my life differently. Embracing acceptance has helped me to start the process while bringing me out of my isolation.

People have asked me if I will love again or be loved again. Maybe so, but the love will be different: you can never recreate what you had with someone else. When you do, you set yourself up for failure. However, in order to start the healing process, you have to start to create a new life that you love. Like a plant that needs to be watered to regain blooms, we too, in our grief process, need to be watered so we can bloom again. There is no timetable for a new bloom, but without the proper nurturing and care, our soil will become dry and we start to wither away. The best words of advice I was given after Richard made his life transition have been, “the pain of losing him will get softer, but the love you shared will always be strong.” I think of those words often and have found quite a bit of comfort in this sage advice. I hope you do as well! So, that old cliché is true: “time heals all wounds, but wounds heal in their own time and in your time, it does get better.”